It was five months ago, five o’ clock in the morning, Hawaii time. A very tired and burnt out me had awoken from the weirdest dream to birds chirping and fresh after rain air to the most beautiful half valley half ocean Kauai view while staying at a dear friend’s place. Life is always a whirlwind, but it had been extra turbulent that year. I sat in bed and began to write as I do when I feel overwhelmed. And as I began putting words onto the page, a deep sense of peace came over me. I needed to clean house. I needed better systems. I needed something to feel excited about. I needed a refresh.
Everyone talks about letting go and releasing people…
but no one ever talks about the deep grief that comes with that decision knowing that it’s not what you ever wanted but what was necessary for your entire being. No one talks about how you have to wrestle with yourself every moment of every day so much that you’re too drained to function and all you want to be is in a dimly lit room curled up in the corner in fetal position. I’ve been through my share, but I never knew this kind of pain could even exist.
I was partaking in some of the most delicious chicken tikka masala the other day with some fantastic humans, when one of them said, “I know this sounds lame, but at least you’ll have something to blog about after this (in regards to the current life season I am going through).” And I chuckled, because I knew he was right. There is always something to take away from the circumstances we go through. But I didn’t think I’d be writing about all this so soon.